Single Mom’s Life

So I was asked today, what would you do? And since I don’t have the answer, I’m asking you. Maybe then I can give the answer. Yes, I will give credit to you. It’s only fair.

A friend asked me this week what I would do if I was faced with knowing something, but not being able to tell the your significant other about. Because it’s about them. She needed to know, the neighbors said, because she lives with him. Committed to him. But her significant other can’t know. He can’t know that a comment he made, in a drunken state, has essentially alienated him from his neighbors. That while the neighbors understand he was drunk when he said what he considered a joke, was not taken as one. That they were offended and now somewhat concerned to be around him. While they don’t think he would ever do anything, they trust him that much, but there is still a doubt. A worry. A concern.

See, he said something inappropriate about a neighbor’s 16 year old daughter. To the 16 year old daughter’s over-protective dad. The dad obviously did not take too kindly to this comment. And now the neighbors, who still want to be polite and waive as they drive by and talk if he comes over, don’t really want him coming over and talking and hanging out. That seed has been planted. They don’t want it getting back to him because they all live in the same neighborhood. But she needed to know. Now she is faced with knowing, but not being able to tell him why the neighbors may not talk or hang out too much.

She asked, what would you do? What would I do if I had something like that told to me about S and I couldn’t tell him? Holy hell! I have no idea. I wouldn’t want that burden placed on me. To have to keep a secret from the person you love. Living each day with this person whose neighbors no longer completely trust him. Wondering what they are thinking each time that all the neighbors do happen to get together. I told her I think I would rather not know. That in my opinion, it probably would have been best if both of them were kept in the dark.

But it’s too late. She already knows. And now she doesn’t know what to do. Should she be honest with the man she is committed to? The one she knows honestly would never do a thing to a child. But nevertheless, the one who drunkenly made a stupid comment.

On one hand, I say, share the information. This is your husband we are talking about. You don’t keep secrets from each other. On the other hand, the neighbors shared this so that you would know why they were possibly shunning both of you, if he was around. They confided in you. They don’t want to ruin the vibe of the neighborhood. They trust you not to say anything.

All I could say, was I’m glad it’s not me. Which was of no help to her, I realize that. But I didn’t have the answers. Or at least one I thought was worthy of sharing. But what do you say? What do you tell your friend, who confided this in you, to do? I still don’t have the answer.

It’s been a busy few days. I took yesterday off work. Which no, does not mean that I got to sleep in, read the newspaper (or in this day and age, the internet), sip coffee and lounge around. It meant getting up at the same time, getting myself and the girls ready and heading to the school. Me included. I volunteered to help with Field Day. I had no idea what Field Day was. We didn’t have those in school. So I got some ideas from coworkers. And B jumped on hula hoops. Which was fine and dandy, until the teacher explained I had to entertain 25 kids for 20 minutes each rotation.

Overall, it wasn’t that hard. The first class had a blast doing a hula hoop contest and frisbee golf. As the classes rotated through, I was impressed with the number of boys that could really hula hoop. It was shocking. I was also shocked at a few of the teachers who can only be described as complete Bitches! I was shocked that someone thought these Bitches would make good teachers. And the saying about kids feed off of the adults. Completely true! The classes where the teacher was nice and getting into the contests and playing, were fun, great attitudes and no complaining. The Bitches, their classes were awful, organizing them to do anything was a joke, and I would end up throwing my hands up in the air and telling the kids to just play. Do what you want.

That being over, I stayed and had lunch with my girls. It was cute. We all got to go outside and sit on the grass and talk. Their friends even joined us. And B’s friends kept telling me how pretty I was. Oh how a couple layers of make-up can fool the little ones!

Then I came home, chilled for a little while until M came home. We went and saw Horton Hears A Who. Longest 88 minutes of my life! The only humorous part (for an adult) was the 5 minutes Horton spends in a field picking flowers and the piles of flowers were shaped like penises. I kid you not, penises! Am I the only adult who noticed this? I need to go google and find out.

Then it was home again. Watch a little TV. Play outside with the dogs. Enjoy the warm weather. Then a movie and bed.

Today, was up early and go to Boondocks for the Girl Scout end of the year party where even I was given an award. Apparently I helped out and did things I didn’t know I did. Which is exactly what the Troop Leader said to us. We didn’t know we did it. But we did. Badge awards and pizza next. Then it was off for the girls to play.  Two hours later, they had played video games and were able to get through ONE line for a ride. Which it should be mentioned, there are only 3 rides to ride there anyway.

Then off to mom’s to drop off 5 bags of clothes. All of us had gone through our closets and we came out with 5 bags. Since winter. At least we donate them to charity or to other families in need.

Now we are back home. And I had promised M that she could give Ginger a bath. Ginger used to love baths. For the last 15 minutes, I have sat here and listened to her yelling at Ginger. Get back here. No. Sit. Stay. GIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR. Am I hearing what her future kids will hear? Will she yell at her kids when they do wrong? Will she be able to control her kids? And I simply sit here and giggle and smile and shake my head. Because that’s what I’ll get to do as a grandma. Which, for the record, better not be for another 20 years!

So I’ve always loved watching Sex & The City. And now, with the movie coming out, I’ve found myself watching more and more of the episodes on TBS. Yes, it’s not nearly the same considering how much they have washed, rinsed and sanitized it. But it’s still giving me the fix I need. And I love the fact that it’s showing so many episodes about Carrie & Big’s relationship. But I have mixed feelings about it as well.

You see, in watching these past episodes of SATC about Carrie & Big, I’m seeing so many similarities between their relationship and my own. I’m trying to decide whether that’s a cool thing (hey, we’re just like characters on TV), if it’s a good thing (overall they are happy and they keeping finding their way back to each other, annoying quirks and all), or if it’s a bad thing (as much as I am a fan and love Big & Carrie, I sometimes sat there watching and questioning what they are doing together. They obviously don’t work together).

She loves clothes and shoes (anyone who knows me knows of my shoe shopping addiction). She is somewhat needy. Holds her feelings in until she explodes. Feels like she has a hard time being herself around him. She talks about the problems in her relationship with her friends. They are supportive at times and annoyed and fed up at other times. But nonetheless, they are there for her and support her through everything. She writes about it, I have started writing about it. In one episode, she realizes she has had some financial problems. I have had financial problems in the past.

He is successful. Somewhat arrogant. Always thinks he is right. Sometimes treats her like the lady she is and they have a blast. Sometimes he hurts her to the core. Does his own thing. Has a hard time thinking of her. I guess one would say that Big is self-absorbed. He doesn’t get her feelings sometimes. Doesn’t understand why she does or says the things she does. He’s charming. He often lovingly looks at her the way women want a man to.

They fight. Over money. Over the bed (or the not sharing of it). Over him looking at another girl (truth be told, this one doesn’t so much bother me, unless it’s too long of a look or he talks about her. I look at guys. We are human). They break up. They get back together. They break up. They get back together. They are both attractive. They could have anyone. But they choose each other. They love each other. They are unhappy. They are blissfully happy.

I could go on and on about the similarities, but I won’t. The bottom line is this: They are us.

I realize in just stating this, I am opening myself up to “What are you doing?” “Why are you with him?” or whatever questions you might not have already voiced to me. And I am not looking for or wanting questions. I don’t have the answers. Neither did Carrie. She was simply drawn to him. There was a magnetism. There was anger. There was SOMETHING worth fight over and for. There was love. And in the end, that was enough for them. At the end of the series, they realized, they couldn’t live without each other. Even through the ups and downs they experienced. They didn’t feel like they were simply settling. And neither do I.

Now I haven’t seen the movie, he may leave her and break her heart. Or she may leave him and break his heart. But, I would like, no love, to believe that they get the happily ever after. And in the end, isn’t that what we are all after?

So, I saw this on msnbc.com and I thought it would be interesting to do a little poll here. What discontinued product do you miss the most and wish they would bring back? For me, it’s the Sunshine Lemon Coolers. Those things were awesome! And I can’t find them anymore. If you know where to find them, tell me! Otherwise I might have to resort to using one of those “stolen recipes”.

So what do you miss. Doesn’t have to be food. Could be any product you can no longer get.

You can show your love in so many ways to your child. Tucking them in bed. Reading them a bedtime story. Playing Barbies for a few hours. Not beating them when they water color the carpet. But the true way, skipping this:

Something you have been planning for months with your BFF. A mini shopping, lunching and movie day. Taking the afternoon off of work. And just being a couple of city girls.

Skipping it to go here instead:

That is the sign of a dedicated mom!

1. You feel guilty for taking a PTO day.
2. Because of your guilt, you spend half of your day checking email and working.
3. Your boss yells at you telling you NOT to work on your day off.
4. Your boss yells at you telling you NOT to work on Saturday (of course, she is yelling at you on Saturday, which means that she is working too).
5. Your boss gives you a comp day because you spent half of your day off working.
6. Because you feel guilty, you work half the day on your comp day.
7. Your employee says she wants to scream when she sees that you sent her an email at 10:30 at night. Do I really think that people are emailing me that late? No, but I am emailing people!
8. You take a day off and because you don’t know what to do with yourself when you’re not working or running around with the kids, you end up working.
9. You feel like the company will fall apart if you’re not there.
10. When you’re not there, your phone rings a minimum of two times with calls from co-workers with a problem because the company is falling apart without you there.

I should note, it’s not a brief interruption/distraction/unplanned people being in the house that bothers me. I’m talking an all day thing. S being home when he is suppose to be at work. The girls being home even throws off my routine, but I won’t really complain about that because it’s planned and I adjust. I don’t want to seem rude or anti-social. If the girls are unexpectedly home, it throws me off. If planned, I’m fine. If S is unexpectedly home, that throws me off. If we’ve planned days off together, I’m fine.

It comes down to this, I am a creature of habit. And the unexpected throws me off.

Any of you who know me, know that I like routine. I like being able to do what I do, when I do it, and not have wrenches thrown in it. This goes from wanting to have the TV on The Today Show in the morning. I may not always pay close attention to it, but it’s on. I can hear it if I want. I don’t want the radio on. Or a different show on. I want my Today Show. It’s part of my morning routine. And don’t even get me started about changing my morning routine with me or the girls. I have it timed. It’s set. But, it happens. People change it. Then I’m cranky.

Same goes for my weekend routine. Usually the girls aren’t here. So it’s just me. S leaves around 12:30, so I have a routine on what I do. Saturdays is pilates and then whatever I please (yes, my routine is not always so strict). Sundays is cleaning. I have a routine in cleaning. Then grocery shopping. And laundry. When someone is home, it throws off my routine. I end up not cleaning. Or half assing it. Or doing it and being completely frustrated. It’s not that I don’t like people around. I love being around people. But people, it throws off my routine when I’m not expecting it. If it’s planned, I adjust my routine. But unplanned or unexpected and I don’t know what to do. It’s like my ADD kicks in and I flitter from thing to thing, not really accomplishing anything.

Today my routine was thrown off. And what have I accomplished? Laying in bed for a few hours watching the Law & Order SVU marathon and mowing the front yard. So nothing. There is still two loads of laundry to do. Clothes to take to the DI. Grocery shopping to do. And it’s not happening!!!!

In a time when I have been doubting myself and doubting my abilities as a mother, I received a comment from a semi-stranger that lifted my spirits and gave me a little hope that I am doing some things right.

As many of you know, I’ve been having problems with the girls. B is beyond emotional lately. I’m preparing myself for the inevitable day that she comes up and tells me that she is becoming a “woman.” With the way that her hormones have been, I somewhat expect it to happen sooner than later. She is a fantastic kid most of the time. Bright, smart, beautiful. We’ve only had a few things to work on with her. Responsibility. Standing up for herself (mostly against M), and her emotions.

The other night, I was talking with her piano teacher about Summer. And she told me how great of a student B is. She can tell she is practicing. She is progressing nicely. Then she started talking about how wonderful of a girl she is. What a joy to teach she is. How she is the only student who is consistently on time. I am always on time to pick her up. And then she said something that has still stuck with me.

“You’re doing an AMAZING job.”

“Thank you. I’m trying, but it’s really hard some times.”

“No really. You’re doing a fantastic job with her.”

M’s teacher shared a story with me during parent/teacher conferences. The day before our meeting, the school had Parents & Donuts Day. It’s where the school opens its doors early and parents and kids can go in, have juice, donuts and read. I was unable to go to it. Actually never have been able to go. Work beckons. So I dropped the girls off and apparently M ran into a friend and the friend’s mom. The mom offered to let M go in with them. Not such an exciting story, but what happened next surprised me. In a very pleasant way. You see, the next morning, M saw this same mom in the schoolyard. She went up to the mom and proceeded to tell her “Thank you for letting me join you yesterday. I really appreciate you letting me come with you. It was very nice.”

Now usually, this wouldn’t surprise me because I would have coached her to find her and tell her thank you. But, I didn’t even know that this had happened. That M had gone in with her. So the teacher telling me this was a shock.

How did the teacher know? Apparently the mom had seen M’s name on the list for our appointment a few hours after this mom had her appointment. And she told the teacher and asked that the teacher please pass this story onto M’s parents. That is was rare to have a child seek someone out and thank them for something. And to do it in such a polite and adult manner.

So even if I may not get to see it at home. I have heard it from girl scout leaders, teachers, friends and now a piano teacher. Outside of this house, my girls are using the lessons and manners that they have been taught.

Now…I just need to get them to act well at home. I realize that home is a child’s release. It’s their chance to let go and release pent up energy. I do realize that. But is it too much to ask to see just a little bit of this respect at home? I hope not!

Yes, America. This is YOUR AMERICAN IDOL! Oh how I wish I could have actually said that like Ryan Seacrest.

Competing for a title AND going on television in your tidy whities. Love it! And to be fair, Archie did the same commercial. But it was weird. At least for me. And maybe it’s because he’s a kid. Or maybe it’s because he’s a kid who had to wear baggy boxers. Or maybe it’s because he can’t really dance well enough to pull off this commerical. Or maybe it’s all of the above.

This is for you, SP. The hair. The song. The lips!

And I do promise, this will be my last Reality TV post for a long time. Maybe ever. We now return you to your regularly schedule program already in progress…