Single Mom’s Life

Dear M & B,

While you may not realize it right now, today, our country is making history. You are a part of history. M, you were there with me that day in November when we cast our vote in favor of change. In favor of a historic event. B, having been living with your dad, you have taken the opposite stance as me. Does this thrill me? Absolutely not. But I do believe everyone has a right to their own opinion. However, I do not believe this is so much YOUR opinion as it is you listening to your father. If it actually is, I do apologize. But please, do not side with me; do not side with your dad. Form your own opinion. Discover the facts. And then, whether we agree or disagree, at least we will both have the facts.

I have never claimed to be Democratic or Republican. I believe that a party does not define a person. Rather, I choose to vote for the person that I believe with do the best job. This election year, I believed that Obama was the man for that job given the choices. Was I always a supporter of his? No, I’m going to be honest and tell you I wasn’t. I deeply wanted to have Hilary Clinton as our president. But that was not meant to be. And so, I went with Obama. He was promising change.

As I sit at work, watching the events leading up to the inauguration, I am filled with a sense of pride. A sense of calm. A sense that real change is coming. As we’ve tried to express to you, our country, the world, is in dire straits right now. The time, no the need, for change is here. Do I believe that Obama can fix things immediately? Absolutely not. It’s like a woman’s body after pregnancy. It took you 9 months to gain that weight; it might take you 9 months to lose that weight. We did not enter this recession/depression overnight. We will not exit overnight. But with a change in regime, I do believe that we will exit sooner with Obama as our leader.

I do not see in black and white. I see in all colors. But the fact remains, we have elected and are in the process of inaugurating our first Black President. A moment like this will never again happen. Not because we will never elect another African American as President. But simply because he is the first. Barriers have been broken down. And he is paving the way. For change. For a new way of thinking. For Americans to open their minds to the possibilities of more barriers being knocked down. I do hope one day the three of us will vote and witness the inauguration of the first female President. But that’s just the woman in me!

Love,
Mom

This post needs no words!

It’s late on Sunday night. M is in bed. S is as work. The dogs have settled down. And I’m sitting here watching The Queen. I find it amazing how watching a movie based on true events or hearing a news story or even just catching a particular time on the clock can always take me back to where I was when history took place.

The Queen, in case you haven’t seen it, is about how the Royal Family reacts and deals with Princess Diana’s death. I can remember exactly where I was. I had just moved to Utah approximately 3 months before. I had finally moved into my townhouse here. And I had just put B back to sleep when my mother called. “Turn on the news. Quick. Princess Diana is dead.” I sat there in awe watching the news reports for hours. In the middle of the night. I had truly never really followed her life. Other than what I read about in People Magazine. But I knew that this was historic. And I watched.

I can also remember exactly where I was when Waco happened. I was home in bed, sick. Still up watching The Today Show like I did every morning. Yes, even in my youth, I was a news junkie. We lived in Sioux City, IA at the time. But had recently been down to Texas. I sat in awe watching the news reports for hours.

I can also remember where I was when the Oklahoma City bombing happened. I was, coincidentally, sick in bed again. And again, watching The Today Show. And we knew people in Oklahoma City. Wait, we knew a woman who worked in that building. We stay at her and her husband’s house every time we drive through going to Texas. By this point, we were living in Texas. My mom finally got word that this lady was suppose to be in that building. But at the last minute was sent away on business. She was taking off at the precise moment that the building exploded. Someone or something was watching over her.

And 9/11. Will anyone who was alive on that day not remember where they were? When it happened, I was driving into work. My first day back since returning from Omaha, NE on 9/10.  Oblivious to anything, I pulled up to work. When I walked in, JP was standing in disbelief. “Something has happened in NYC. Planes struck the Twin Towers.”

My reaction was one of “hey, nice joke, but get real.” I believe I said something to the effect of “Ha. Ha. Very funny. How are you?”

But no, he wasn’t joking. And we all sat watching online or listening to the radio. Listening. Staring in disbelief and grieving. Grieving for those who lost their lives. And with early estimates putting the loss of life at upwards of 10,000, it was heart-breaking. I remember sitting in my office, feeling like I had just been punched in the gut. It was hard to breathe at points. What did this mean for my family? Brad was military. Would he be mobilized?

When the FAA grounded all planes, I had to go into work mode. I worked for MFC’s Online & Catalog division. Our business was shipping gifts. On planes. All of our packages were also grounded. Yes, I had to take control and write a statement to appear on our homepage regarding our ability to deliver the packages already sent and whether or not we would be able to deliver any future orders. At a time like this, I was forced to worry about cookies. It was ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous was the conversation I had with a woman who was irate that her package was not going to be delivered as promised.

“Ma’am, there is nothing that we can do. The FAA has grounded all flights.”

“I don’t care. You promised me that the gift would be delivered.”

“Ma’am, I realize that. Unfortunately, no one could have predicted that we would be facing the national catastrophe that we are. I am more than happy to credit you for the express shipping.”

“No, this is ridiculous. You guaranteed me that the gift would be delivered. I want the ordered canceled and my money back.”

“Ma’am, the gift will arrive once the FAA has released all the planes.”

“I don’t care. You didn’t do what you promised.”

“Ma’am (and at this point, calling her Ma’am was taking every ounce of strength) we are in a state of emergency. I would hope that we could all be focusing on those that lost their lives. However, I will credit your credit card and cancel the order. Your cookies will not be delivered.”

And damn it, I made sure that those cookies did not get to the recipient. I couldn’t believe the complete disregard for life that this woman was exhibiting. Thousands had lost their lives and her birthday cookie wasn’t getting delivered. Perspective, Lady.

A few moments of history that I can remember exactly where I was. What I was doing. What I said. Did I know how historic those moments would be at the moment. Not always. But I still remember. How many more moments like that will I experience. I cannot begin to know. And I’m not sure I do.

Of course things in life cannot happen when you have money. Before you’ve spent it on the toys and the clothes and the plethora of gifts for everyone. Or while you have two weeks off to handle things. No, they must happen when you’re suppose to be going back to work and you’re broke.

The lovely sister city of where I live is known for having massive amounts of potholes. And as luck would have it this past snowy Tuesday evening I hit one. Now could I have hit a tiny one? Oh no! I was destined to hit the mass that is one 2 foot deep pothole followed by two or three smaller ones. Praying for no damage did me no good. The next morning the tire was flat.

Spent over an hour in the freezing weather last night trying to put the donut on. Success! I could take it this morning to get the tire fixed. Less than 30 minutes? Fantastic. I would still make it to work by 9:30. But no, my luck is not that lucky. Friends, never take me to Vegas with you. I am not lucky.

The lovely pothole had bent my wheel. Oh…and I need all new tires. My one tire turned into a wheel and four. Like I said, don’t invite me to Vegas.

The man kindly offered to call around to suppliers to see if he could find me a wheel cheaper than the $400 dealer wheel. I head home, start working and wait for his call. 2 hours later I receive the news. He found one. For $235 plus each tire will run around $100 each. Beginning of Christmas, this would have been no problem at all. Today, it was pure devastation!

I don’t have the money. Not only do I not have the money for the wheels and the tires. I also don’t have the money for the inspection, emissions and registering of the car. Even when I get paid next Friday I must choose between fixing the tires and being able to drive or register the car and drive legally. Obviously I must choose the first since they will not pass the car on the inspection with one donut and thee bad tires.

Thank you, Father Christmas.

Yes I realize that you’re going to tell me that I could have not spent money for Christmas. But then you could have told my two daughters that they weren’t getting any Christmas. And truly how was I suppose to know this would happen? And I have been trying to save. Don’t even get me started on that. I really don’t want to go into that story.

At any rate, I am now broke and carless. Happy New Year!

Yes, I have failed. I failed at what I set out to do during my mandatory time off from work. I did not relax and do only what I wanted to do. I felt every day that I HAD to do something. Even if it was nothing more than doing the dishes. I HAD to do something every day.

I took on too many projects around the house. Which, yes, the house looked amazing. I say looked because after Shawn, the neighbors and the dogs, it doesn’t look as fantastic anymore. Notice I didn’t add the girls in there? Nope, they actually have kept things clean when they’ve been home. It’s been Shawn and the dogs. Oh well, at least the house was fabulous for 24 hours.

I went places I didn’t want to go to. Went where others wanted to go. Not me. So yet another failure.

I did somehow manage to watch almost every House episode ever made. This was of course accomplished on Christmas Day while I was sitting at home not visiting family because of that HUGE storm that was suppose to be happening all Christmas Day. It finally showed up around 8:00 PM that night. A day wasted, but I’m completely up-to-date on medical lingo.

After all these failures, I’ve realized that making any sort of New Year’s Resolutions would be a complete waste of my time. I’ve never kept them so why make them? At least none that were “good” for me. So instead, I resolve to only do things I know I can keep to.

I resolve to:

Be continuously stressed

Work entirely too much

Not get a good night’s sleep

Probably screw up my kids some more

Give in more than once to my shoe addiction

Read one too many People magazines

Not read enough books

I think that’s good enough. Don’t want to set myself up for too much failure.