May 27, 2009
The following conversation was had this morning with my daughter while back-combing my hair.
M: Mommy, what are you doing?
Me: Back-combing my hair to add some volume to it.
Silence for a moment
M: I want my hair to talk.
Me: Huh?
M: Well, you’re turning up the volume in your hair so it can talk. I want my hair to talk.
May 24, 2009
Sometimes I so wish I could turn my mind off. That I could make it stop thinking for just a few moments. Hell, I’d give anything for just a few seconds. Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to fret and over-think about everything. Ok, maybe not everything. You can sometimes tell me something and quiz me a minute later and I’ll have no idea what you are talking about. But anything of importance… I will think and think and think. I will analyze. Come up with all the possible outcomes. Worry too much. Express too much doubt or fear.Waffle back and forth as to whether something is the correct decision. I will decide to do things one way. Five minutes later I will decide to go the other way. And then I will start the decision making process all over again.
It’s EXHAUSTING!!!
I’ve tried to stop. I use various sleeping aids at night to help it at least stop for a little while in hopes of getting SOME sleep. But then my dreams take over. And when I remember certain dreams, I will spend days analyzing them in my head. Trying to figure out their meaning. If there is any meaning at all. Sometimes there are logical explanations. Other times, no explanation can be found and I give up on trying.
And then there are those events, those moments, that send me into a tail spin of thinking. Yesterday was one such day. I won’t go into what all happened. But the day started out great. Well as great as it can when you wake up at 7:30 on your day off. I had an ok day planned, but a great evening awaited. But then slowly, ever so slowly at first, it all started unraveling. And so did I.
Life has been great since January. I’m happy. I’m healthy. I’m not stressed 24/7. But when I spiral down, I spiral fast and hard. Last night was a prime example of that. Something happened that forced, no caused, me to start thinking about where I am. What I want. Who I want. What can I have. What is unattainable. What is attainable but I’ve convinced myself isn’t. And my poor brother had to deal with it. I’m sure he was sick of hearing about it. I’m definitely sure he is sick of me talking about HIM. But I can’t stop thinking about HIM and what could be. Is it attainable? Depends on who you talk to, I guess. And like a foolish woman that I am sometimes, I like to believe it could happen. It might not happen now. It might not happen in six months. It might never happen. But since January I’ve had a renewed hope in life and so I try and hold onto the hope that it will.
But patience has never been my cup of tea. Or coffee. And with HIM I am having to exercise extreme patience. And it’s killing me. It’s causing me to think and think and think. And I’m convinced I’m slowly driving myself insane. Or maybe that’s what like/love/passion is all about. Finding that one person that drives you wildly mad. That’s what the movies and romance novels tell you. But is that real life?I don’t know. Let me think about it.
May 18, 2009
Ok, so I know it’s been almost a month (a month!) since I posted anything. And it’s not because there has been nothing going on. There has. Oh there has. But ever since I moved (yes I moved in case you didn’t know) my wireless card has SUCKED. And when we found out we could get cable and internet and it would cost me the same amount of money a month, I jumped on it. But then came the problem of my wireless router. I cannot for the life of me remember the password for the network set up on it. Nor can I get it to work by setting up a new network. So I am left to the mercy of the geek squad.
So to answer any burning questions:
Have a great day. And if you’re where I am…Enjoy this PERFECT weather!
OkThanksBye
