Single Mom’s Life

Two photos my lil sis found in a folder next to each other. Coincidence?

Yep, I see a future Governor. Or actor. Or terminator. Last one is more probably given her attitude.

There has been a lot of internet buzz about being a “bad parent”. While I have been too busy to actually read all of the posts, the news stories and the comments, I got the general idea. The media feels that mommy or daddy bloggers are glorifying the fact that they screw up or they sometimes don’t like being parents. And they are reveling in the fact. Promoting it. Rolling naked in it like Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal. They are not glorifying it. They are not promoting it. They are sharing their struggles. They are showing others that “Hey, it’s ok not to be perfect. I’m not perfect, neither are my children.”

This debate couldn’t have come at a more perfect time in my life. I’ve been struggling with the fact that I occasionally feel that I am not cut out for this parenting game. I’ve been feeling awful in the sense that I have been desiring a break. That I don’t want to be around my children all the time. That sometimes, they drive me absolutely out of my mind. And it makes me feel so guilty. I love my girls with all my heart and cannot imagine my life without them. But sometimes, I get overwhelmed and exhausting in trying to keep them from fighting, forcing them to get along, making them clean up their messes. Sometimes I just want to come home and not have to cook dinner for them. Not clean up the mess. Not feel like I HAVE to spend the entire evening talking to them. All these pressures that moms are suppose to do.

It’s been ingrained in our heads that we have to get up, make them a fabulous breakfast (in the lace-lined apron, mind you), run to work, bust your ass while there (which BTW, you’re made to feel insanely guilty if you are not a SAHM, but if you aren’t, you better be pulling things off like you are), come home, cook a 5 course meal, clean up and do the dishes after, sit and play game after awful childhood game (seriously, I cannot believe we LOVED these games as children) and then lovingly put them in bed and then clean the messy house they left and finally fall exhausted into bed. Oh but don’t forget, if you’re living in sin with someone or married to them, you better be willing to still perform your “wifely” duties before passing out. And we moms feel like we have completely and utterly failed if we are not able to perform to these standards. I feel like I have failed.

How have we gotten back to the 1950’s way of thinking? Growing up, we had chores. We helped cook dinner. Our parents didn’t sit playing games with us for hours on end. We had to work in our homes. Now, if you tell your children they must clean or they have a night to cook, you’re failing. We broke free of this way of thinking, and now, those parents who are attempting to get their children to do these things are failing and passing the buck and they are “bad parents”. How dare we ask our children to do a little hard work? This way of thinking is exactly the reason why the world is now filled with the “Me, Me, Me” generation. Today’s kids are all about what’s in it for me? What do I get? Why should I do these things? Why aren’t you doing all of these things? That’s you’re job, you’re the mom. These children will and are growing up with no work ethic. No sense of earning the things they want.

I am fighting this constant battle every day with my girls. I want them to have the worth ethic that I have. That my brother has. That my mother has. We aren’t afraid to put in 12-15 hours in at work. We aren’t afraid to spend a day laboring in our yards so that it looks great for the neighbors or just for ourselves. We aren’t afraid to clean every day so that our home always looks presentable and clean. No, I don’t want a spotless house, but a clean, uncluttered home, yes. Absolutely. And they just don’t get it.

And in them not getting it, comes my “bad mom” label. Because I do get frustrated. I do feel a little resentment. I do wish to have a break. To run away. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. That makes me human. If a friend were doing this to you, you’d feel the same way. If your boss was treating you the same way, you’d feel the same. Just because we gave birth to these beings, doesn’t mean that they are immune. No, we can’t yell and scream and throw things when we feel this way, but it’s ok to feel this way.

Don’t ever tell your children you feel this way because of them. That’s where it differs. You can’t tell your children you want to run away from them. That you resent them. That you need a break from them. Someone I know recently said this (and worse) to their children. And my heart broke. Those words will forever stay in their minds. They may forgive you, but words like that, they will NEVER forget. And I, knowing those words were said, even if not to me, will never forget. It’s having a breakdown and saying those things that make you a bad parent. Not feeling that way every now and then.