Single Mom’s Life

I believe that everyone has a path. A destiny. They may know their path but not their destiny. Or they may know their destiny but not the path that should be taken. Given that, you would think that one would do what they need to do to continue down that path or towards that destiny, if they so choose. But what happens to the person who knows their destiny, or path, wants that option, but can’t help but screw up and take the wrong path at every juncture? Are they choosing the wrong path on purpose? Not consciously, but subconsciously? And if so, why? Do they deep down not want that destiny? Do they feel they don’t deserve the good in life? That they haven’t earned it?

They may be a good person at the core. Kind, caring, thoughtful of others. Willing to do anything for anyone in their life. Listen and carry their burden while shouldering their own. Yet at every turn they find themselves doing wrong. Maybe hurting people. People they deeply care for. Or trying to keep a secret that could deeply hurt someone.

I am guilty of this myself. Wanting to do and be nothing but good, kind and loving. Wanting to find that special someone to share all of it with. Yet, so many times, at so many turns, I find myself choosing the wrong option. Not thinking things through. Which if you know me, you know that I tend to over-think, over-analyze and over-worry about things. That causes a lot of internal angst, worry and long, drawn-out conversations with friends. But yet, when I jump, when I act impulsively, when I don’t think, I don’t choose the right path. In my case, it’s not that I don’t want that path. Or simply that happiness. Lately, it’s been me trying to convince myself that I don’t have those feelings. Yet all it has seem to do is reinforce how I am feeling. Showing me that my gut, my head, my heart, are right. Unfortunately, in the quest to prove myself wrong, I’ve done wrong. So now I’m left with having done wrong and not proven myself right.

How does one remedy that? How do you fix it? Without constantly living in fear of the wrongs being outed? You’ve realized how you feel. You’ve realized what you want. But you’ve just possibly sabotaged any chance, any hope. You can’t. You just have to keep moving, keep living. And trust that it will all work out. Because in the end, it does. It might not be the way you want it, but it works out. And you must live with it.

There’s no right, there’s no wrong, there’s only popular opinion.

I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.

That the world needs more than just a building right now. It needs hope.

I was slipping away, that’s what it felt like, life was leaving me, but I wasn’t afraid; then I remembered: “There was something I was meant to do; somewhere I was meant to be.”

I wasn’t lost, or frozen, or gone… I was alive; I was alive in my own perfect world.

All of our jobs are on your pink, fluffy shoulders.

Whether my children eat in my kitchen or at the soup kitchen lies on those pink, fluffy shoulders.

Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn. My God, do you learn.

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

When two people admit that they are attracted to each other, they are no longer in control. Their relationship has to play itself out. For better or for worse.

The time to make up your mind about people is never.

Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you got to protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they want to tell you you can’t do it. If you want something, go get it. Period.

Life is about choice. We are the sum of our choices. And most of them are made for us. You can’t choose when you’re born. You can’t choose where you are born. You can’t choose your family. You can’t even choose who you love. But you can choose how you love.

You know the worst thing for a parent… second after losing a child? Watching your child head for the same life you had. You can’t stop it. It’s a terrible, helpless feeling. Makes you angry all the time. And I’ve been angry. For a very long time. I’m exhausted.

What a mystery this world, one day you love them and the next day you want to kill them a thousand times over.

Oh, is that why? ‘Cause I thought it was something different. I thought that it was ’cause I deserved the best and he’s out there. He’s just with all the wrong women. And let me be clear. After CENTURIES of men looking at my tits in stead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the *DIVINE* right to stare at a man’s BACKSIDE with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to!

I know what I want, because I have it in my hands right now. You.

I don’t want to make any mistakes.

Then you’re in the wrong species, love. Be a duck.

So now, alone or not, you’ve got a walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.

I bet you’ve had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? Yeah. I know that. I know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know… you’re with him. You’re his.

It’s like seeing someone for the first time, and you look at each other for a few seconds, and there’s this kind of recognition like you both know something. Next moment the person’s gone, and it’s too late to do anything about it.

How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life… you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV… the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home… I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office… and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.

Each man is the architect of his own fate.

I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.